Conflict Resolution – How to Fight Fair (Part II)
Song of Solomon 6:4-13
I. Focus on positive communication (v.4-9)
A. He extols her physical beauty (v.4)
B. He values her and forgives her (v.5-7)
– “Solomon still treats her the same, showing his love for her is not based on her performance. He loves her now as much as he loved her on the wedding night. To him she is still as beautiful as a bride, and his love is still unchanged.” She is not treated in an ill manner based on her rejection of him.”
C. He prizes her above all others [Matt. 19:3-8] (v.8-10)
– “In a nutshell, Solomon was conveying to his bride that in his eyes, she was the only woman in the world who mattered to him. She had no equal…He was forgiving his bride even before she had a chance to ask for forgiveness.”
II. Forgive and restore communion (v.10-13)
A. Couples should waste no time in restoring their relationship (v.11-12)
– “These verses tell the story of the couple’s reconciliation from the beloved’s point of view. She knew that he had “gone down to his garden”. So she went there to see if their love was still in bloom (v. 11). As a person would look in the spring for new growth, buds on grape vines, and pomegranate blossoms, so she looked for fresh evidence of their love. When she found him there his first words were words of praise (vv. 4–10), indicating that their love was in fact flourishing.”
– “The Hebrew can be translated in several ways. One translation which has much to commend it is this: “I became enraptured, for you placed me on the chariots of the people of the prince.” When the husband’s first words in the garden were words of praise, she “became enraptured”; she was beside herself with joy. He then placed her on his own chariot at the head of his entourage.”
B. Couples should completely satisfy each other’s intimate desires (v.13)
– “More likely [the dance] refers to an erotic dance, for this is exactly what follows in the context. The Daughters of Jerusalem call Shulamit back for they wish her to perform an erotic dance. It must be remembered that the chorus is imaginary in the [song], and they are not really actors in the play. The imaginary chorus is brought in to explain a situation, to give a warning, or to allow for a dialogue to take place or, as is the case here, to set the stage for what follows. The request by the Daughters of Jerusalem for an erotic dance by Shulamit is really Solomon’s request, for as the following verses make clear, Shulamit is indeed dancing erotically.”
Points to Ponder:
1. Never speak rashly when emotionally upset. How and when you say something is just as important as what you say [Prov.27:14-16, 21:9, 15:1]
2. Never say “Always” or “Never” when arguing [Prov. 29:22, Ecc. 7:9, James 4:17]
– The tendency in conflict is to push an argument to the extreme. Very few things in life ‘always’ or ‘never’ occurs. When dealing with conflict, try to stay neutral in your emotions and cite specific examples of behavior or attitudes that need to be adjusted in the other person. Do not generalize and watch your words.
3. Never demean your spouse [Gal. 5:22-23].
– Never embarrass or demean your spouse. If telling the truth to a person clashes with expressing love to that person, err on the side of expressing love. Rather, focus on the good qualities and traits God has put in your spouse and build up those attributes.
4. Be quick to forgive and restore your relationship with your spouse.
– “Love hopes for the best, even when disappointed by repeated personal abuse, hoping against hope and always ready to give an offender a second chance and to forgive him ‘seventy times seven’ (Mt 18:22).
– “If we fail to forgive our brother from the heart, God will bring severe divine discipline on us in time and withhold temporal forgiveness for fellowship in the family. The apostle John, in addressing his “little children” whose “sins are forgiven” (1 Jn. 2:12), nevertheless told them that to be forgiven by God was conditioned upon confessing their sins (1 Jn. 1:9). If we do not confess, we are not forgiven as far as temporal forgiveness is concerned. But as far as our eternal relationship and forgiveness is concerned, that is unchanging. The bitterness of an unforgiving heart has been discipline enough in many lives.”
– “The bottom line of what Jesus is saying is this: “Forgiven people forgive other people.” We dare not claim to be possessors of his life and nature and at the same time fail to exhibit that life and nature.”
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